Rehab
Current mood: 
contemplative
They tried to make me go to rehab but I said ’no, no, no’
Yes I’ve been black but when I come back you’ll know know know
I ain’t got the time and if my daddy thinks I’m fine
He’s tried to make me go to rehab but I won’t go go go
~Rehab, Amy Winehouse
Just about every woman I know has been to rehab at least once. All four of my friends, my mom, aunt and cousins have all succumb to the realization that they must detox themselves and cleanse their way of thinking. Whether they were getting in tune with themselves, tired of waiting in long lines for that ’hit’, tired of losing their hair when they waited too long between hits or tired of the withdrawal feeling they experienced when their favorite dealer was no longer available, they all had one thing in common. They were sick and tired of being sick and tired.
I think I’m at that point. I first fell in love with the idea of going au naturale when I saw YaYa’s hair (ANTM Cycle 3). “I want that”, I told my friend. “I want her hair!” It was the first time I saw someone with a full head of thick, long natural hair that resembled mine. Not dreaded, twisted or low cut (nothing against those styles, I swear) but I love my hair the way it is –long and thick; but I’m starting to grow weary of the creamy crack.
Sometimes I sit and play in my daughter’s hair and hope and pray that she never gets hooked. That she grows up with a sense of self and realizes that her hair, in its natural state, is the most beautiful thing that she could ever wish for. Or maybe I’m praying for myself. That I won’t get to the point where her hair is ’too much for me to handle’ and relax it to make it ’easier to manage’.
I was combing my hair last night and I looked down, there she was looking up. Staring at me she said, “Mama, hair pretty”. Instantly, I had a flash back of watching my mom blow dry her hair when I was about 8 and asking her, “How can you wash your hair and blow dry it straight and I have to get mine hot combed? I want your hair!” She never answered. I think she knew where I was headed.
Recently, I started rocking cornrows more often and loved the look and the freedom of getting it done in two hours. Then I decided to relax, cut and color my hair. None of it excited me like it use to. I’m not sure if it had something to do with the 3 hour wait just to SIT in the chair, the less-than-average outcome, or the anti-climactic reaction from my husband.
My coworkers all gawk over my hair (white and black) and I can say I’m quite proud to have healthy hair, but what they see is an illusion….or is it.
